1. Punch him in the chest. Studies that we gesture at vaguely and never cite show that this increases blood flow, which can really heat up that “special time of night.”
2. Ok, alright. Seriously, I don’t know why we have to say this aloud but: you can do other stuff while having oral pleasantries. Hum, or like touch him anywhere that feels good while also totally fellating your mister-guy-boyfriend-FWB-lifemate. What a totally rad move, right?
3. When your BF is brushing his teeth, sneak up behind him and stroke him on the penis. Men’s libidos are raging out of control in the morning according to some divination we did in the office last Thursday, and who hasn’t wanted to enter their partner and have their way with them with a mouthful of toothpaste? Clean, yet dirrrty.
4. Eat something. Like, literally, anything. Experts agree that food contains nutrients which are key to biological processes. And is there anything better for turning up the heat with your dude-man-fella-guy than fully-functioning organs metabolizing energy to fuel that sexy-sex-romp-a-loo? No.
5. Spice things up tonight by just straight up grabbing your BF-dudebro-man on the testicles. The sudden shock of unnegotiated dominance will make him buck with lust, confusion, and previously repressed memories of the time a neighborhood dog bit him in his youth and he had to get stitches! Adrenaline!
6. Wear a red towel after your shower. Scientists have scienced that the color red, cleaning yourself, and things touching your body something something sexy something something I don’t even care anymore.
7. Paint a picture of breasts on your “girls.” And on each of those girls, yet more bazingas. Experts we talked to over lattes one time told us that guys-males-bros are way visual, and also that they’re major fans of Inception. Trust us, he’ll “have to go deeper.” Sexpun.